5 Lessons Learned While Working with Doctors Without Borders

In the midst of life, as it swirls around, acting upon us and pushing us about, we may forget that our purpose is to learn and to use those learnings going forward. We get caught up with what is happening and forget to take time to contemplate what we have learned. Then someone comes along and unexpectedly forces you to name what it is you have learned when they ask: “Catherine, what are the five things you learned while working in the field with Doctors Without Borders?”

1. Relationships before tasks

My education and professional backgrounds are rooted in the Corporate American philosophy of “Get Results.” In order to attain results, the focus in many work environments is on effective task completion. Developing relationships may play a role but it is usually a distant second.

I took the “tasks first” approach with me to my first assignment in Kenya and quickly realized it was not going to work. While the end goal of getting results was the same, the starting point focused on building relationships. Tasks would come afterwards.

After working in a number of different counties, I saw first-hand the effectiveness of putting relationships before tasks. People have to connect to and trust those they work with and especially with those providing direction and leadership. They want assurance that their leader understands them as humans and knows that their unique needs, hopes and dreams are in good hands. Having tried it both ways, I completely agree: relationships before tasks.

2. How to ask for help

It was during my first French speaking assignment when I learned how to ask for help. I was such a novice with the language that Parisian waiters would roll their eyes when I asked for water. Then suddenly, there I was, living and working in the Ivory Coast, not understanding much of anything and having to ask for help … every single day. Not easy for a woman who considers asking for help to be a sign of weakness.

In the mornings colleagues would greet me and I would quickly sort through the billions of possibilities of what they might be saying. It could be they were suggesting that it was a good morning. It was also just as likely they were asking what the impact of the new benefits plan would be on their staffing schedules. “Good morning,” I would invariably respond, “could you speak a little slower and use smaller words?”

I asked my boss to make special time for me after every team meeting so I could confirm all I had understood. He would then take time to inform me of all I had missed. I asked team members to eavesdrop on my conversations and to please, interrupt if things started heading in the wrong direction. At one point I got sick. After waking the doctor and attempting to describe the symptoms, I then had to trust him when he hooked up the IV, patted my shoulder, and said “Ça va allez.” Every single day, for six months straight, in some form or fashion, I was at the mercy of others.

It was only when looking back at the experience I realized that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength.

3. Drop the wall

I have a wall, a big wall that surrounds me and serves as a protective device. By default, the wall is always in a “Just try it, buddy.” stance, keeping me from disappointment, sorrow, and pain. Because the wall does not have the power of discretion, it also keeps me from joy and delight.

While working in the field, I discovered that the wall was often overpowered. I was in unfamiliar territory and the wall was unable to block all the new and very powerful forces vying for my attention: extreme poverty, endless hope, violence, joy disguised as sadness. Chinks and holes appeared in the wall as emotions and circumstances persisted until I came out from behind the wall to engage with them.

As I engaged with what the wall had been protecting me from, my life expanded; it became richer and more meaningful. I saw that when I isolated myself and ignored what was outside of the wall, I became small and scared. When I emerged from behind the wall and directly engaged with the forces of the world, my perspectives and my choices broadened, my heart and spirit grew.

4. You cannot communicate enough.

You may think you can, but you cannot.

5. Know what normal looks like for you

It wasn’t the gunfire, it was the fact that it no longer concerned me; it had become annoying and interruptive. Rather than seeking safety, I ignored it, expecting it to eventually go away. Then I had the occasion to observe my reaction through the eyes of another and clearly saw that my behavior had fallen outside the limits of what was “normal for me.” It was time to make a change. It was time to return home and rediscover my normal.

Having an understanding of your normal will help you recognize when stress is taking over and when you might be losing your connection to reality. Upon returning home, I discovered I was not unique. There are many people living outside their range of normal and don’t even realize it because their “not normal” has become normal.

Know what your normal looks like. Ask those near and dear to alert you when you are behaving outside your normal range. Check in periodically yourself. All of this is critical to one’s survival. Lose sight of your normal long enough and it can be quite difficult to find your way back. Trust me.

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